Dana sat on her couch and Julian sat on his. They had their laptops at the ready, but Dana had just gotten home from work and changed out of her work clothes. She usually peed while wiggling out of her nylons. She multitasked. Sometimes Julian would stand in the doorway and chat while she did all of this, but tonight, with his laptop parked at Amy, he sat there and kept reading. His discovery of \u201cTells All\u201d was very fresh. He was reading about her wish to find an off duty writer for a coffee date. She was going on in her amusante way about needing some sprucing up around her head. It was clear that she wasn\u2019t talking about her hair. She was thirsty for \u201cintellectual conversation\u201d that didn\u2019t involve either airplanes or fingernails. He could think of at least ten things in that category without even having to think very hard.
\n\t\u201cJulian!\u201d
\n\t\u201cDana!\u201d
\n\t\u201cHow was class?\u201d
\n\t\u201cOh, it was actually very good. We\u2019re still discussing TA.\u201d
\n\t\u201cTA. I assume you mean Transactional Analysis and not tits and ass.\u201d
\n\tHe passed her on the way out the door. The routine at chez Gray was to wait for Ms. Feminita to get home, to wait for her to pour her first drink of the evening before pouring his. She did her Bacardi with Diet Coke on ice in a plastic wine glass. He took his neat in a Tom and Jerry jelly glass, two fingers. He liked to keep the rum in the freezer. It hit the spot that way. He made his way back to the evening\u2019s debriefing with his wife. As an off duty writer, she wore sweats and a ratty old t-shirt. Her allure remained undimmed. Maybe enhanced.
\n\t\u201cSo, Dana, where are you in the Berne saga. Or are you all burned out.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWell, we had a rippin\u2019 discussion tis morning about the ego states and \u201cI\u2019m OK, You\u2019re OK.\u201d Then, well, this afternoon I had Psych 2, and they\u2019re doing Kinsey. Followed by faculty meeting.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI get confused. And Kinsey, that\u2019s some T and A.\u201d
\nDana chuckles. Her husband is always riffing.
\n\t\u201cI know, sweetie. I\u2019m all over the place with the classes myself. You might think about dropping in on a faculty meeting yourself sometime. You are, you know, on the faculty. I think they worry about you.\u201d
\n\t\u201cAw. How touching. They worry that I might be corrupting the innocence of youth. They worry that I might be working on another novel rather than the Postmodern Reconsideration of the Reconsidered Modern Post. Post mortem. Something like that.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWell, if you sold a novel\u2026\u201d
\n\t\u201cWe cold both quit?\u201d
\n\t\u201cWe could, perhaps, but I like my classes.\u201d
\n\t\u201cSo back to Berne.\u201d
\n\t\u201cOr Kinsey.\u201d
\n\t\u201cToo bad Berne and Kinsey didn\u2019t mash it up.\u201d
\n\t\u201cThat\u2019s too rich. The Berne-Kinsey report. \u2018Are we doing the child again tonight, Eric? Oh, I just love it when you call me Erica.\u2019\u201d
\n\t\u201cGames?\u201d
\n\t\u201cFun and games.\u201d
\n\t\u201cYeah. Speaking of fun and games, I ran into Walter the other day.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWalter. Refresh my memory.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWell, Walter is the guy that expressed interest in reading your novel.\u201d
\n\t\u201cIs Walter a publisher with a checkbook?\u201d
\n\t\u201cNo, but he\u2019s an agent.\u201d
\n\t\u201cOh yeah. I remember this now, it\u2019s all coming back to me. He does literary and little. He is looking for something with some sex in it. You told him my novel had lots of sex in it. Gay, Straight, Lesbian, Bi. Bye.\u201d
\n\t\u201cNot bye. Hello. He said he wants to read the frickin\u2019 book.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWell, I\u2019ll send him a PDF.\u201d
\n\t\u201cNo, he wants hard copy.\u201d
\n\t\u201cDoes he want the red pencil?\u201d
\n\t\u201cNo. He\u2019s got his own red pencil.\u201d
\nThe Bacardi started to have its effect, and the Gray\/Feminitas were loosening up.
\n\t\u201cOkay. I\u2019ll fire up the laser and print one out.\u201d
\n\t\u201cCan we get back to Kinsey-Berne?\u201d
\n\t\u201cWe can.\u201d
\n\t\u201cYou wanna be on top?\u201d
\n\t\u201cI was on top last time.\u201d
\n\t\u201cThis is adult-adult.\u201d
\n\t\u201cIt is? It should be. I thought it was adults only.\u201d
\n\t\u201cThe word games. What level of game is that?\u201d
\nNow that a meaningful debate topic had presented itself, Dana Feminita paused, thoughtful.
\n\t\u201cThat\u2019s what I love about you Julian. Just when I think you\u2019re going to sputter out, you uncork a good question. That\u2019s why you should pay attention to the doings at Blue Ridge. Not thinking so much that you get so little out of it. Rather, think that you could add so much to it.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWord games.\u201d
\nHe sounded his note again.
\n\t\u201cWord games,\u201d she echoed. \u201cYou could look at the specifics of the game. If I say to you, \u2018Julian, you should go to the faculty meetings!\u2019 \u2026
\n\t\u201c\u2026which you are now doing with some force!\u201d
\n\t\u201cI\u2019m being the parent.\u201d
\n\t\u201cIf I deflect with a word game, what game am I playing?\u201d
\n\t\u201cTA vs. T&A. Kinsey-Berne. Hmm. I gotta say Julian, you play word games at a fairly high level. It\u2019s punning, which might be pathological in some contexts, but it\u2019s also paired with the two paragons\u2026\u201d
\n\t\u201c\u2026of pop-psychology!\u201d
\n\t\u201cRight. Nothing sells like sex.\u201d
\n\t\u201cRight and nothing is sexier than role playing games.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWrong. Anything is sexier than that.\u201d
\n\t\u201cShit. We were doing so well!\u201d
\n\t\u201cHarris sold a lot of copies.\u201d
\n\t\u201cNot as many as Joe South.\u201d
\n\t\u201cRight, right! The students actually remembered that song\u2026\u201d
\n\t\u201c\u2026doesn\u2019t surprise me. They turn out to be excellent musicologists.\u201d
\n\t\u201cBut it doesn\u2019t get at the degrees.\u201d
\n\t\u201cNo, the song doesn\u2019t. It has everything be games played in the face of death.\u201d
\n\t\u201cDeath happens.\u201d
\n\t\u201cNot to you it doesn\u2019t.\u201d
\n\t\u201cYes, even to me. Even unto me.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWhat will I do without you?\u201d
\n\t\u201cWhat if you pre-decease me? What will I do without you?\u201d
\n\t\u201cWhat game is this? I don\u2019t like it.\u201d
\n\t\u201cIt the truth game.\u201d
\n\t\u201cThe games we play are not the usual games.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWe play intellectual parlor games.\u201d
\n\t\u201cThere is no tissue damage.\u201d
\n\t\u201cAh. There you go. You put your finger right on the horrible.\u201d
\n\t\u201cStepped right in the shit.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI think the subtleties of TA are aimed at the pathological. You and me, we\u2019re ok. I mean, I think I\u2019m ok, and I think you\u2019re ok. I think you\u2019re great, but I feel fairly good, if not great myself. I think we work. I think if we hit a rough patch, we can work it out.\u201d
\n\t\u201cLife is very short and there\u2019s no time.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI knew that was coming.\u201d
\n\t\u201cYou, the parent, knew that was coming.\u201d
\n\t\u201cYes. I, as parent, and you as adorable child, rewarded me with a quote from a marvelous old song. I saw it coming, and I welcome it into my mind.\u201d
\n\t\u201cIs it time for a refill?\u201d
\n\t\u201cIt is.\u201d
\n\t\u201cAllow me.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI fret that we might be drunks.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI know that you fret about that.\u201d
\n\t\u201cThe \u2018alcoholic\u2019 is a bona fide game.\u201d
\n\t\u201cDo tell.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWell, it\u2019s a doozy. As near as I can figger\u2026\u201d
\n\t\u201c\u2026 \u2018Figger?\u2019\u201d
\n\t\u201cHeh. I\u2019m a bit fucked up. A bit. Let me stagger through Bernes on AA.\u201d
\n\t\u201cStagger away, babe. I\u2019m right behind you.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWell, he says, and I don\u2019t (can\u2019t) quote, that the payoff for the drunk is not simply the pleasure that alcohol induces\u2026\u201d
\n\t\u201c\u2026by the killing off of brain cells.\u201d
\n\t\u201c\u2026of which, we have way too many\u2026 , Say. May I be allowed to continue?\u201d
\n\t\u201cYou may.\u201d
\n\t\u201cThe payoff is that the drunk gets to be scolded both by the internal parent, but by any external parent who are willing to do some scolding.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWe don\u2019t scold each other about our drinking, babe. We are all in this together.\u201d
\n\t\u201cHi, Julian. I\u2019m Dana, and I\u2019m an alcoholic.\u201d
\n\t\u201cShut the fuck up.\u201d
\n\t\u201cYou mean, \u2018shut the front door.\u2019\u201d
\n\t\u201cContinue, please.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWell, the \u2018mess-making attracts attention.\u2019\u201d
\n\t\u201cThis is not just a drunk thing.\u201d
\n\t\u201cNope. Plenty of mess making going on out there. But the payoff is forgiveness. The mess-maker aims at, banks on, forgiveness by the willing parties.\u201d
\nThere is a pause while Julian considers all of this. At length he says,
\n\t\u201cThis is what bothers me about TA. Calling all of this a \u2018game,\u2019 undermines its psychic potential. It is a trivialization.\u201d
\n\t\u201cGames are important. \u2018Magister Ludi\u2019 and all of that.\u201d
\n\t\u201cGranted. Games are important. But they have winner and losers.\u201d
\n\t\u201cPart of the importance.\u201d
\n\t\u201cYes. But it\u2019s just not penny ante.\u201d
\n\t\u201cNope. Deadly serious.\u201d
\n\t\u201cAA is deadly serious.\u201d
\n\t\u201cRight. But Berne sees the whole thing as the perpetuation of the game.\u201d
\n\t\u201cPlease. Babe. Love of my life. Don\u2019t stop now.\u201d
\n\t\u201cThey, that is AA, espouses that alcoholism is a disease. This absolves white of blame.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWhite?\u201d
\n\t\u201cYeah. In TA, the back and forth is between white and black.\u201d
\n\t\u201cYikes. That needs an update.\u201d
\n\t\u201c Yeah. It is not politically correct.\u201d
\n\t\u201cIt implies that Berne thought that AA was a crock.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI think that might be a valuable imputation.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI drink, therefore I am.\u201d
\n\t\u201cYou\u2019re drunk.\u201d
\n\t\u201cSo are you.\u201d
\n\t\u201cAdult-adult. Match point.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI\u2019m going up to bed. You coming, babe?\u201d
\n\t\u201cNo. I\u2019ll tuck you in, but I\u2019ve still got unfinished business.\u201d
\nSo Julian followed behind Dana up the stairs to the bedroom. She padded into the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She clambered onto the bed on which Julian sat in his street clothes. He lovingly embraced her for a few minutes until he felt her relax the rest of the way. He then stared at the wall waiting for a sign. The sign came after about ten minutes in the form of snores. In the interim, his mind painted for himself a scene of majestic heroism in which he rescued a damsel in distress from a burning building. Then, just ahead of the liberating snores, he crossed all of this out in his mind as trite and false.<\/p>\n
He returned downstairs, opened his laptop and went right back to reading Amy Tells All. His unfinished business was just at its beginning. As he read the woman\u2019s words, he sobered up enough to gasp and to grope for the dangled rope of rescue. He felt his affinity begin to ignite. He understood every word and the words led to another being on the other side of the mountain. He would soon enough be called to account for it. He would have to state, in the harsh glare of the midday, why, exactly, he found these tweet so literary. He could be made to think that he was mistaken. He would realize that he had missed the little clues that had been strewn there and that he might have been an adult and acted otherwise. \u201cWhat did you call it? An affinity?\u201d Words hurled right back at him to belittle and diffuse. Can he de-fuse the vented anger, and refuse the implication of lust? \u201cYou have a crush on that girl?\u201d Upcoming.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dana sat on her couch and Julian sat on his. They had their laptops at the ready, but Dana had just gotten home from work and changed out of her work clothes. She usually peed while wiggling out of her nylons. She multitasked. Sometimes Julian would stand in the doorway and chat while she did all of this, but tonight, with his laptop parked at Amy, he sat there and kept reading. His discovery of \u201cTells All\u201d was very fresh. He was reading about her wish to find an off duty writer for a coffee date. She was going on in her amusante way about needing some sprucing up around her head. It was clear that she wasn\u2019t talking about her hair. She was thirsty for \u201cintellectual conversation\u201d that didn\u2019t involve either airplanes or fingernails. He could think of at least ten things in that category without even having to think very hard. \u201cJulian!\u201d \u201cDana!\u201d \u201cHow was class?\u201d \u201cOh, it was actually very good. We\u2019re still discussing TA.\u201d \u201cTA. I assume you mean Transactional Analysis and not tits and ass.\u201d He passed her on the way out the door. The routine at chez Gray was to wait for Ms. Feminita…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-55","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapters","comments-off"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ken-beck.com\/bloggers\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ken-beck.com\/bloggers\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ken-beck.com\/bloggers\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ken-beck.com\/bloggers\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ken-beck.com\/bloggers\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=55"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.ken-beck.com\/bloggers\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ken-beck.com\/bloggers\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=55"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ken-beck.com\/bloggers\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=55"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ken-beck.com\/bloggers\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=55"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}